I Am Here to Ruin “Guardians of the Galaxy’s” Five End Credit Scenes For You

  1. Heh.
  2. Wha?
  3. Who?
  4. Awww!
  5. Yeah, whatever

**********

As you may have surmised, the five scenes dispersed throughout the credits are not cliffhangers of the ‘Nick Fury shows up at Tony Stark’s House’ sort, but rather the ‘Howard the Duck shows up’ sort. Still though, some thoughts:

—Anyone hoping for a long-awaited Tango and Cash reunion will be very disappointed, as Kurt Russell and Sylvester Stallone do not share a scene.

—Stallone does share a scene, however, with Ving Rhames and Michelle Yeoh, cause why not?

—Since a third movie has already been announced, might we assume that Adam Warlock, teased here in Credit Scene Three, will play a part? Maybe, but I’d almost prefer that these teased threats in the credit scenes remain just teases. I know that Marvel’s going all in on this Thanos thing, but wouldn’t it be fun if he never actually showed up?

—So about that last scene…The very last credit scene (this one actually playing at the end!) is a callback to Stan Lee’s mid-film cameo, where he boring a group of Watchers with his endless stories (apparently describing his mid-film cameo in one of the Avengers movies, though I forget which one). The Watchers, lest we forget, are a group of big baby-looking aliens who observe the Marvel cosmos and multiple universes from afar. These multiple universes were the subject of Marvel’s What If? series from 1977 to 1998. Each What If issue would ask a question (What If…The Alien Costume Had Possessed Spider-Man?) and then proceed to kill as many Marvel heroes and villains as it could within 30 or so pages, only to do it all again with a different What If next issue. Marvel is at long last reaching the end of its Thanos thing, and what the Marvel Cinematic Universe looks like after the fourth Avengers movie in 2019 is a mystery. A series of batshit standalone What If movies, where we get to watch Thor get his head blown off or Falcon become King of the Vampires, might be just the ticket.

—Dancing Jeff Goldblum cameo during the credits was a fun bit of corporate synergy, too. Don’t forget about Thor! (Everyone forgets about Thor.)

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